“You have to stick to one resolution because it’s good, not because you have taken it.”
François de la Rochefoucauld.
Here we go again, you know this time of the year when you RE-start taking good resolutions, and knowing full well that 50% of these are exactly the same than the previous year but shh we keep this for us. But no matter because this year is the Year. You feel it. You are determined (still). You believe in it. In short you hope … until … mid January?
The good old habits quickly take over and after the first half of January, these good resolutions are already forgotten.
Do you know that it takes 21 days to set up a new habit in our daily life?
Why not just have a good resolution to hold for 21 days and adopt a new rhythm?
After all, life is only made of good consecutive resolutions that we learn over the days, based on our experience and unexpected events in life, whether we choose to apply or not.
For my part, my resolutions are simple, result of experiences and researches of what really matters to me at 39 yo “OMG she dares to say her age”, then precisely resolution number 1 …
1- To fully accept oneself
Accept my age, my wrinkles, my differences, my personality, in short practice self-love in a society becoming every day a little bit more narcissistic.
Because the tendency is rather to change: change your career, change your diets, change your life, change your makeup, change your husband… but what if at the end of the day, the real recipe for happiness was simply to embrace who we are, to look in the mirror and to love oneself, to be in a real measure to know what we want and to say no to what hurts us, to assume our choices and convictions.
Once we gain that self-esteem, we can shake our lives, make the changes that will make a real difference to achieving balance and vital fulfilment. Ok we accept all and we stop with the “what people might say”. In France we use an expression “être bien dans sa peau” to feel good in your own skin so let’s do it.
2- Read more
With TV, mobiles, I am often saddened to find that people are reading less and less.
The older I get, the more essential reading is to my creativity, a loophole in an imaginary world and a door to the unknown that allows me to think differently, to open my mind.
It is true that sometimes it’s easy to find excuses, to land on the couch with Netflix. Yet reading carries and allows us to dress with different roles, and live other lives in our minds. The words play with our mind and invite us to create different worlds. Each word, each sentence, each punctuation draw in our imagination the story of the book which is unique, such as our imagination.
Something impossible with the small or large screen that have already pick for your the places, the characters and their expressions.
3-Be more curious
“Curiosity is a very bad shortcoming”, that’s what I heard when I was a kid and well this year I will strive to develop this default. Curiosity is a manifestation of openness to the world.
Asking questions, wondering, venturing into unfamiliar terrain, traveling, trying a new cuisine, visiting an art exhibition … all this would not be possible without a hint of curiosity.
Curiosity pushes the limits of our creative spirit and allows us to reinvent our daily lives. Then life becomes immediately more exciting, in opposition to the monotony of everyday life. Thousands of possibilities open up to us …
4-Learn something new
By being curious, I always want to learn. As a child I wanted to learn painting, jazz dance, sewing, piano, journalism. Adult, I want to learn Italian, Chinese, how to draw, to sculpt, to design interiors, to learn from the unusual to shine in society, to learn to juggle, to learn an inflexible English… Big plans.
When you learn you structure, you allow yourself to create links with your different knowledge that you can apply later in your personal or professional daily to realise a dream or a project.
A short example, with the creation of our online boutique My Parisiennes, my partner and I have become real geeks that made us discover a computer world totally fascinating (I would not have thought to write that one day lol). After all our brain is programmed for learning.
5- Believe in your guts and trust them
HMMMMM this point, this absolutely crucial point.
You know when you have an idea in mind or when you meet someone and that life puts you full of signs on the road to tell you to flee. Well, run away! It’s your instinct that speaks to you.
In retrospect, I realised that my instinct worked quite well especially when I met people who, deep inside, I felt that something was wrong. Instead of running away, I persisted and hurt myself. Best lesson of my life.
In psychology we speak about intuitive intelligence, it is cultivated every day and even the neurosciences recognise it. So do not upset scientists.
6- Avoid toxic people
For that it requires to develop two types of intelligence: intuitive and emotional.
Also you have to recognise the different categories of toxicity: jealousy, gossip, manipulation, malice, defamation… and so on.
I think that at my age I almost met them all. The defamation and the degree of stupidity of some people were so important at a point of my life that I questioned myself a lot in a light period of depression when I was usually always positive (read my article). However, these toxins allowed me to focus, sort out and surround myself with healthy people.
Today I have greatly reduced my entourage, having the arrogance to say that only – really ONLY – some privileged Friends share moments of happiness with me.
Social medias have obviously been restricted to no longer feed the evil spirits living in their virtual world. My confidence has quadrupled and I’m not ashamed to say “merde” when it suits me.
I can tell you now that I also have a natural detector to recognise bitches, people interested, opportunistic, and people who claim to “love” you too quickly by text when in fact they do not really know you and only want to use you.
Once I acknowledge this, I took some actions and a lot of positive things came to me. I took emotional distance and every day I am a little happier.
You may wonder in which way is a new resolution? The novelty is to finish the cleaning and this time no longer be trapped under the pretext that I want to leave a chance to a person or by fear of saying no.
7- Love and forgive
Long topic … and not so easy, we have to admit it.
To love oneself, one’s family, one’s friends is quite easy and natural, but to Love, just love without expecting anything, to love the Love and to feed on it every day, it becomes more complicated.
Love others with their faults, their differences … I learned that love did not imply accepting everything, actually it did not suffer but it lives fully. Love can sometimes go by a distance, a questioning.
To tell the truth so far I’m not so sure if I really know how to love, with that feeling of constantly learning love.
Love takes on a whole new form when one also learns to forgive. At the risk of shocking a few, forgiveness is paramount for one’s own well-being. Basically we do not forgive for others but for ourselves, to be at peace and not let toxins invade our minds.
A long-term work that is learned every day … that’s what I call also the elegance of the heart.
8- Make your difference a strength
Often in my workshops I talk about the importance of being unique. Let’s stop trying to get everyone into the mould by the fear to not being loved. Sorry to disappoint you but there will always be someone who will not love you as much as you hope or for what you really are.
By asserting yourself (which resumes the first resolution), by fully assuming your ideas, you really create a difference, YOUR difference and life is still much more interesting.
People will really respect you and who cares about people who do not understand you, after all not everyone can keep an open mind or get along with you.
Moreover, think about that: when you are looking for a job, you are often invited to write a cover letter that will make the difference so why not write the story of your life that will also make a difference and distinguish you?
A need. An escape. A window on the world. A breath of fresh air, discovery and inspiration.
I hold that from my grandfather who was able to go out overnight to explore a country by taking only his toothbrush in a washcloth. It always made me dream, a life of freedom. I only started at 24 to really travel and experience this unique intoxication.
For me the trip does not go through a luxury hotel at the edge of a pool, for once I’m sure to be bored in the medium term, for me the trip is the experience of people, the visit of a new place. Like reading, travel is essential to my imaginary balance and my cultural health. The orgasm of the traveler is when you travel inside the journey, time stops, everything seems possible to you and a desire to explore further becomes a drug. A feeling that I do miss …
I do not know about you but personally I have this horrible feeling that time is closing in on me with the frustration that 24 hours in a day is not enough… We scatter, we do a little bit of everything, and at the end of the day we do not do much. It is essential to refocus, to think about our projects in the short, medium and long term and organise our ideas and priorities. No more wasting time in the trivia (but remember if we apply the resolutions 5 and 6 we should save time).
11- Take care of your body
“Mens sana in corpore sano” as we say in Latin. A healthy mind in a healthy body. Needless to say how important it is to play sports, to feel good, relax and get rid of all the toxins we accumulate during our sometimes stressful days.
12- Believe in your dreams and realise them
Do I really need to develop? Since I live in Australia, on the other side of the world because one day I had this crazy dream to come in Oz, I can tell you that I take my dreams very seriously. I improve them with time, I add new ones, I intensify them and I understand that only the decision-making and the action will allow me to act, to blossom and to realise myself.
Here are my 12 resolutions for the year 2018, 12 solutions to be happy, one per month. You could tell me it’s a lot but if you think about it, 21 days per resolution to make it a habit, it’s 252 days (not even the year) that I fully devote to this, knowing that all these resolutions reach a common goal of fulfilment. That seems pretty good to me …